3 Steps to Reap a Healthy Marriage

How Sowing and Reaping Works in Marriage

Is your marriage reaping what you’ve sown into it?

The natural law of sowing and reaping isn’t just for farmers. This principle is an unchangeable law that affects everyone in every area of life–family, work and pleasure. For a marriage to be healthy, what seeds need to be planted to reap the harvest we most want to see?

Marriage Has a Sowing and Reaping Cycle

Farmers have patience, diligence,  and amazing attitudes of expectancy and hope. I don’t think I would make a very good farmer. We all would benefit in our marriages if we thought like a farmer.

Twenty-five years ago, Dennis and I participated in a 12-week marriage study group called Married for Life  (MFL) . God used this course to transform our marriage. Lately, I find myself revisiting the lesson on Sowing and Reaping.

Weeds of discontent, defensiveness, and discord want to choke the life out of  healthy marriages.  Sowing seeds such as little snide remarks, rolling of the eyes, or dismissing comments  are certain to produce a bad harvest of ungratefulness, criticism and resentment.

Every farmer understands the hidden meaning in this natural law: we reap what we sow, more than we sow, and later than we sow.

Being ignorant of this law doesn’t stop it from operating. Simply put,  For every action there is a consequence; What goes around comes around.

One morning I asked God to point out to Dennis ways he needed to change. *Cough*

The MFL teaching came to my mind, so I pulled the workbook off the bookshelf to review the lesson.  From the opening scripture BAM!

Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit.

Once again, God let me know He is God and I am not.

I am not responsible to change my husband (or any other person for that matter).

I am responsible for me. And my attitude. And my sin.

Seed Selection

Seeds are selected either from God or from satan. Selecting seed from the wrong seed bag guarantees a harvest of decay and death to a marriage.

Knowing which seed to plant is critical. John 14:6 tells us Jesus always sows life, while John 10:10 tells us satan always sows death.

Have you wondered why your marriage has been so difficult?  Stop and think about what type of seeds you plant. Which seed bag are you choosing to plant from—God’s or satan’s?

Examine the crops your marriage is producing.

Think of your marriage as a gardening area. On a sheet of paper, on the left side, list crops your marriage is  harvesting now. While we tend to look only at the negative, let me urge you to also look for the positives. Even if spiritual beliefs are all you have in common with each other, that is huge.

On the right side, think back to what you’ve sown. Write them down.

What Was Reaped                

1.    Common Spiritual Beliefs

2.    Resentment

3.    Strife

4.    Superiority

What Was Sown

 1.    Go to church regularly

2.    Bitterness

3.    Arguing

4.    Pride



What I plant always determines my harvest.

Even in foundationally strong marriages,  weeds can spring up and surround healthy, established fruit, threatening to kill the good seed.

3-Steps to Reap a Healthy Harvest  
  1. Recognize the death seeds you’ve sown have been from the wrong seed bag.
  2. Repent of your wrong choices and dig up the bad seed.
  3. Re-seed by selecting seeds of life from God’s seed bag.
I can’t change my husband. That’s God’s job. But I can allow God to change ME.

Maybe I do have something in common with farmers. I may not see the life seed I sow today reap a harvest immediately, but I will trust God to help me practice the law of sowing and reaping in my marriage.

So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.

Please check out the Married for Life website to find out about on-site and on-line classes here

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