It had been a particularly tough day for my man. The circumstances leading up to the meltdown had nothing to do with me. Feeling helpless to soothe his pain, I did what I would have wanted him to do if the tables were turned.
I blanketed him in a long, tight embrace.
No words. No explanation.
That was enough.
Know Your Husband’s Love Language
Not feeling treasured by others is what brought on Dennis’ emotional volcano eruption. Feeling discounted, unheard and misunderstood took its toll.
What my husband needed the most in that season was to feel treasured by his one-flesh. Me.
Dennis is intentional about responding to all his texts and emails. He believes if someone takes the time and effort to correspond with you, the least you can do is acknowledge it.
Not responding to his texts with an emoji or at least a “K” (OK) made him feel not valued by me. As I’m learning more about love languages, this makes total sense. Quality time and Physical touch are his love languages.
By not responding to his texts, he wasn’t feeling loved. My non-response spoke “I’m not worth my wife’s time.” Hmm
My intentional hug spoke both his love languages, I didn’t even think about that!
Loving Dennis through the filters of the way I feel loved doesn’t translate into him feeling treasured.
If you truly want to know how you can make your husband feel treasured, ASK!
Study your mate as if he or she was a textbook and you were studying for a final exam. ~ Nancy C. Anderson
As a student of learning to speak the language that speaks love to him, my research revealed men in general have similar needs of feeling treasured.
3 Ways Husbands Feel Treasured
Actively listen when I share.
Feeling that your partner “gets you” is one of the greatest gifts we [men]can ever receive. ~ Jed Diamond
Dennis and I set boundaries for our communication. To be clearly heard, we must have each other’s full attention when speaking.
I must stop what I’m doing and consider what he is saying. I am guilty of hearing, without LISTENING.
Husbands want us to consider them when they speak. David modeled this in Psalm 5:1:
Give ear to my words, O Lord, Consider my meditation .
Consider : Pay attention to; to regard with respect, thoughtfulness, honor, esteem.
Allow me to be imperfect.
It is laughable to hear couples we counsel complain about their spouse not being more like them. If our spouse was just like us, one of us isn’t necessary.
Suck it up buttercup–you cannot change your husband. That’s God’s job—and when He needs your help, He’ll let you know. ☺
Husbands want us to love them in spite of their faults and imperfections.
Cindi McMenamin asked husbands who had been married 10-40 years to tell her what makes them feel loved by their wives. Nearly all of them alluded to their wives’ responses to them in light of their mistakes and failures.
One husband said his wife loved him in spite of myself, just like God does.
Your husband may be tough, but he is also tender on the inside. And if you dig deep enough, you will find in him a heart like yours – longing to be loved and appreciated for who he is, and wanting to be forgiven for the times he blows it. ~ Cindi McMenamin
Husbands want to think you believe he is your Super Hero.
When men do something they are really proud of, consider—pay attention. Even simple things like emptying the dishwasher, or cleaning the bathroom sink with a disinfecting wipe or cleaning up the dog poop.
Bravo! You da man!
Make him feel treasured by bragging on him in front of friends.
Husbands are nothing but little boys…We may look like men, but underneath, you are married to a little bitty boy. We’re going out every single day, riding our bikes, trying to jump higher than all the other little boys, and constantly looking back over our shoulder to see if you’re watching. ~ Andy Andrews
Andy tells wives that husbands are like little boys who want to be loved like puppy dogs. They want to be rubbed on the head and told things like, “You’re such a good boy!”
This sounds so simple–but I promise that making this small change will change things drastically for you and your marriage. If you want a healthy marriage, this simple thing will be beyond effective for you.
I am challenging myself to learn how to make my husband feel treasured. Will you join me in learning how to make your husband feel this way?
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash.com