Make Sexual Intimacy a Priority in Your Marriage

A common denominator many long-term marriages have is making sexual intimacy a priority. A couple who’ve been married for 75 years told CNN that sex has been one of the secrets of their marital success.

Asked about the secret to the longevity of their marriage, Esther Walker responded,  “if you have a good sex life, that helps. I’m sorry, but it does.”

How can you have a good sex life?

Make sex a priority in your marriage.

Do you remember how important sex was in your early days of marriage?  Before babies and job-related stress? The only difference between you then and now is that you let your intimate time slip down on the priorities list.

Couples who maintain a spark are ones who have assigned value to it. ~  Esther Perel

Ways to Keep  Your Sexual Intimacy a Priority

  • Weekends/Nights away.

In our parenting years, Dennis’s military assignments took us far from family (free babysitters). We found creative arrangements by reciprocating with other trusted parents.

Yes, it was a struggle financially. But time away was THAT important to us. At the time, I was an avid couponer.  Refunds, rebates and extra money were kept in a special cash box for getaways.

Nowadays, Groupon offers great deals for our getaways.

  • Attend a marriage seminar or small group study once a year.

We always have something to learn, and often, it is a good reminder why we married and want to stay that way.

  • Read books on marriage  together.

We’ve just finished Cherish by Gary Thomas. I read along in the book as we listened to the audio version from

Find what works best for you as a couple. In the past, we would read a chapter out of the decided-upon book individually.  Then we’d agree on a time to discuss what we read, usually when the kids were in bed or on our date night.

  • Refuse to settle for mediocrity. Shake it up.

Earlier in our marriage, Dr. Ellen Kreidman was well-known for her books on marriage relationships.  My naïve eyes were opened when I read her book, Light His Fire. I discovered I could have fun in the bedroom with my husband!

Dennis read her book for husbands, Light Her Fire.  We enjoyed some romantic evenings playing the board game based on these books — How to Host a Romantic Evening.

If you need ideas in shaking it up, board games for marrieds is a great place to start. One that is still available is  An Enchanted Evening.  A game endorsed by Focus on the Family –describing it as a date night in a box –is The Discovery Game.

This is crucial to healthy sexual intimacy: While we enjoy variety and fun, we are careful to honor each other and  God.

Lori Byerly describes marriage as a playground. She tells us this playground is  anything you both want that will benefit your sense of intimacy and oneness as a couple.

What happens on your marriage playground is about your choices and preferences as a couple. It’s perfectly safe and you can be sexual and have creative fun with your husband.

(Do you wonder what’s OK, what’s not OK? Please read this.)

Contrary to what some may think, sex doesn’t decline with age. It declines when you stop making it a priority. 

By staying in touch with that part of yourself, and being receptive to talking about desires with your spouse, you may very well find that sex later in life is more satisfying than it ever was in your younger days!  ~

Ready to revise your “to-do” list?

Focus on reigniting the sensuality and playfulness as a way to reconnect, a path back to the days when you both were at the top of each other’s lists. ~  Perel

What ways will you prioritize sex in your marriage?

You are loved,


Image credit: Glenn

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