Your husband may seem to request playtime with you, his wife, at the most inopportune times. When what you really want to say is “Not tonight, dear,” what ways can you respond so he doesn’t feel rejected?
4 Ways to Respond to Your Husband’s Sexual Advances
Reframe your “No”
“Not tonight, dear” is a huge slap to your man’s ego. He hears “No” as complete rejection: to his manhood, to his person, to his identity.
Avoid this two-letter word. Change it to “Not now, but When.” Shift the focus off rejection to hope by saying statements like this:
It has been such an exhausting day, I won’t be fully engaged if we made love tonight. I know I will feel more refreshed in the morning. We can have a quickie before the kids are up, or name the when.
Early Morning Sex Tips
Two tips about early morning sex:
- Make sure the bedroom door is locked (which should be ANY time you’re doing something you don’t want to traumatize your kids with for the rest of their lives if they saw it)
- Empty your bladder before the act and afterwards to avoid an UTI infection. (Making love with a full bladder is painfully uncomfortable.) I was advised by my urologist to pee before and after because it cleans out the urethra, ridding any bacteria that may cause infection. Excuse me, dear. I’ll be right back!
The most important point here is that you carry through on your promise for the “When.“
Ask Would You Rather?
- Would you rather have a clean house and quiet kids, or an energetic wife ready to play later on tonight?
- Would you rather make love to a zombie or wait until tomorrow when I will manage my energy and prepare myself for our time together?
- Would you rather wait for sex to be spontaneous or schedule it on our calendars so we can look forward to it and prepare for a sure thing?
- Would you rather practice some choreplay, so I can feel more rested or would you rather spend the evening watching TV?
- Would you rather continue to live in a sex-starved marriage or would you rather we seek professional help to work on improving our marriage?
- Would you rather…….insert your own……..
For those times that no matter how much help Hubby offers, nothing seems to jumpstart your battery, here is my response:
Honey, I’m willing. Let’s play and see how it goes.
Dr. Kevin Leman says, Men are microwaves and women are slow-cookers. But when they warm up, oh WOW!
Girl, there’s no better connection with your man than through the sexual act. It’s amazing how the oxytocin released just by caressing and stroking each other increases arousal.
And as I remind those I mentor, how much time does it take?
Maybe 15 minutes. TOPS!
Invite God into your marriage bed.
When nothing seems to get your crockpot revving, grab your husband’s hand and pray for God to bless your time of intimacy.
Husband wants to, you are willing, and God is able!
Prayer can be as simple as HELP!
It’s OK to pray Lord, I’m willing, so please resurrect my libido from the grave.
Easter isn’t the only time we celebrate Resurrection power!
Check your heart.
What it all comes down to, ladies, is the condition of your heart. How we guard it, what we store in it, and what we prioritize.
Guard your heart above all else,
for it determines the course of your life. Proverbs 4:23
Pay attention to your heart. Your heart’s condition predicts what you say and how you act.
If you choose to give in to your husband’s sexual advances, but resent him during the whole few minutes it takes, check your heart. Your husband doesn’t want a dutiful servant. He desires a wife who wants him because she loves him.
When you consistently extend your energy on activities that drain you from wanting to be frisky, check your heart. Please consider seeking help.
Jesus tells us what we store in our hearts is what flows out in our actions, thoughts and words.
Ask the Lover of your soul to help you love your man with a pure heart, a clear conscience and a sincere faith.
Using these four ways to respond to your husband’s sexual advances will make him feel loved and appreciated. Instead of saying ‘Not tonight, dear,” which of these four ways will you exercise this week?
What are your Would you rather…? questions?
Plan ways to manage your energy for lovemaking.
How will you guard your heart?