5 Intimacy Needs for Wives

5 Intimacy Needs Wives Want Husbands to Understand

When it comes to sexual intimacy, most men are streamlined and women are complicated,  Sexually, one marriage expert calls men microwaves and women slow-cookers. Husband, for your wife to respond to you sexually, she wants you to  understand five of her needs for intimacy.

What Wives Want Husbands  to Know About Their Intimacy Needs

  1. Her need for connection is emotional.

Where you are visually stimulated, your wife is emotionally stimulated.

Just so you know, guys, just taking off your clothes in front of her isn’t automatically going to turn her on. What she wants and needs is for you to talk to her throughout the day. Every day.

Men, you can’t be selfish and ignore your wife all day, then expect your emotionally impoverished wife to perform sexually.

God designed sex in marriage to reach its potential only if genuine care and sensitivity are present. In His divine genius, God created a system that ensures that jerks don’t get good sex. ~ Jimmy Evans 

Ways to stimulate your wife emotionally

  • Text lines like “I’m thinking of you and I can’t wait to see you tonight.” Or “I love you because fill in the blank­­­____.”
  • If you can, telephone or video her halfway through your day to see how her day is going. Then, listen. If she asks how your day’s been, tell her!
  • Tell her how beautiful she is.  How you love her body. (Women struggle with body image, especially after child-bearing [or menopause], so your constant telling her your appreciation of her beauty and body lets her know you don’t find her disgusting.)
  • She wants to feel important and valued by you. Tell her often how empty your life would be without her.
Take Action:   Ask your wife what you can do to make her feel emotionally stimulated by you.

Just as your need for connection is high, your wife’s need to feel emotionally connected daily is essential. .

  1. Non-sexual touch speaks intimacy to women.

More than 80 percent of a woman’s need for meaningful touch is nonsexual. Most psychologists will tell you a large majority of women appreciate and love a hug, a touch, a kiss, holding hands—any physical sign that they are cherished.

To make it clear, guys, non-sexual touching is loving affection. It may have the tone of sexual arousal “around” it, but the goal of this type of touching is not sexual intercourse. While you may be thinking, well, why bother if this isn’t going anywhere? Remember,  women are like crockpots.

Men, if you want fulfilling sex, understand your wife needs soft, non-sexual touching throughout the day AND during sex. She needs to know you care for her as a person –not as an object to get your sexual needs met. Cherish, value and emotionally care for her.

You may not know what non-sexual touch (NST)  is. But trust me,  your wife can tell you exactly what it means for her.

Take Action: Ask her what NST she likes.  Then practice.

 3.  Learn how to Chore-Play

Helping your wife  with chores is a HUGE TURN-ON. I like to say there’s nothing sexier than seeing my man push a vacuum, unload the dishwasher or fold the laundry. Oh Baby!

Cleaning a messy kitchen is my most-dreaded chore. I cannot go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink.

Dennis doesn’t like to wash dishes, but he does dry them and put them away. That works for me!

Your wife’s love language doesn’t have to be Acts of Service for her to appreciate your participating in Chore Play.

Gentlemen, whenever you say “Honey, what can I do to help?” you’re making love to your wife. ~ Kevin Leman Have a New Sex Life by Friday

As this 2017  Super Bowl Mr. Clean commercial shows — You gotta love a man who cleans!

  1. Women rarely orgasm during intercourse.

While men almost always achieve orgasm during intercourse, it is not the norm for women. This is because her primary sexual organ that produces an orgasm is her clitoris, a nine-inch organ that wraps right through her body.

Interesting isn’t it, that God included this body part into female anatomy for only one purpose—sexual pleasure.

Husband, when you touch her clitoris and bring her to orgasm, the clitoris isn’t the only part of her body that’s happy. That warm flush she feels spreads all throughout her body and makes her more eager in her lovemaking.

The connection you two share during love-making is due to the oxytocin hormone that’s released. You feel the love.

Even though your wife can enjoy sex without an orgasm, most women desire orgasms on a regular basis. Until your wife feels comfortable enough to say ‘I’m not finished,” ask what can I do to help? If you’re not sure how to stimulate the clitoris, ask her to guide your hand to the right spot.

The book She Comes First, by Ian Kerner, is one we like to refer husbands in marriage coaching.  Subtitled The thinking man’s guide to pleasuring a woman, this book gives men step by step instruction. * This book is not written from a Christian perspective, but it is an excellent resource.*

  1. Be the spiritual leader God says you are.

Husbands… love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her,  to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word…In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives. Ephesians 5:25-29.

I feel most intimate with Dennis  when we pray,  read a book aloud or discuss Scriptures together.

Walking in your God-given role makes a wife feel cherished, valued and important. Knowing that you’d do anything for her—even step in front of a bullet if you had to—fulfills a need for intimacy that will spill out into other areas of your marriage.

For the woman, sex is a total-body and total person experience. It is good for her when her husband attends to all of who she is, not just her sexual parts. ~ Clifford and Joyce Penner (A Married Guy’s Guide to Great Sex)

God designed women with the need to be cherished. A woman responds to the man who takes care of her heart.

Husband, do all you can to be the man your wife responds to!


A resource we highly support and recommend is Awaken-Love video classes: Awaken-Love Men’s Edition;  Awaken-Love for Wives Edition.

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash




    1. Debbie

      I love that you love what is posted! Please feel free to request topics you’d like to see addressed here. If you have a question, I guarantee others have the very same ones!

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