Wives, do you think your husband has a one-track mind? You may not understand that most husbands feel connected and loved by their wives through sexual intimacy. Here are five reasons this is so important to your husband and your marriage.
5 Reasons Sexual Intimacy is Important to Your Husband
It is a physical need.
One of the major differences between you and your husband is the fact he experiences sex as a legitimate physical need. Just as your body tells you when you’re hungry, thirsty, or tired, your husband’s body tells him when he needs a sexual release.
Men’s need for sexual release is based on actual physical, hormonal needs. It seems from what I’ve researched, most men naturally want sexual release at least once a week.
The physical need for sexual release intensifies as sperm builds in the testicles. The body continues to produce and store sperm, although sperm production fluctuates based on levels of testosterone and the frequency of sexual release. ~Juli Slattery
Men need sexual contact. God designed them that way. It’s not bad or dirty or perverted, it just is. If a wife makes an effort to meet her husband’s needs, he’ll be more willing to meet hers.
Don’t fault your man for being a man. Testosterone has its advantages. How else do you think we get those mayonnaise jars open? ~ Kevin Leman
It makes him feel connected.
Your husband wants connection. Just like you.
Marriage experts Gary and Barbara Rosberg* surveyed men about their sexual needs . I found it surprising that the need for connection ranked at the very top.
God created sex to make two into one. One of the ways God makes us one is through the physical act of sex. Nothing makes men feel closer to their wives than being physically and emotionally connected.
Sex builds connection for a husband in the same way that talking and helping around the house build connection for a wife. It’s that simple. ~ Rosbergs
He craves intimacy with you.
For us, intimacy equates to talking, communication, or cuddling—nonsexual touch. God designed men to feel connected and loved through sex with his wife. This is a man’s idea of intimacy.
Shaunti Feldhahn gives this example to explain your husband’s need for intimacy.
How would you feel if you told your husband, “I need to hear you say ‘I Love you’ and he heaved a big sigh and said, “Okay, I’ll try to say it. But how often do you need to hear it? Is once a week okay?
You would probably be hurt, right? You wouldn’t be hurt because your husband didn’t say “I love you” enough times. You’d be hurt because of what it implied.
Maybe it means he doesn’t care about me. Maybe it means I’m not all that lovable.
In the research study she conducted, Feldhahn found that there seems to be no one standard amount of sex that men “need” to have; it is what sex signals to them that is important.
The study revealed there is no one “right amount” of sex that men need. Instead,
the one constant is his emotional need to feel that you desire him. Find ways to show that, and you’ll probably see more love coming from him to you, too!
When his advances are refused, he feels rejected.
Wives, when you’re not in the mood and Hubby asks “Do you wanna?” you may think:
Can’t he see that I am tired or that I have a lot on my mind? How can he even think about sex at a time like this?
Husbands interpret your lack of sexual response as I don’t care about you. Your needs aren’t important.
When a wife turns down a sexual advance, husbands feel emotionally rejected. He receives the message that you don’t want to be close to him.
Your husband hears “No” as complete rejection–to his manhood, to his person, to his identity.
I found a study that makes sense of why our husbands need us to respond to his advances. Research showed that oxytocin (the love or bonding hormone) is released when men and women have sexual intercourse.
To understand the tie between oxytocin and sexual bonding, a study was conducted with 20 men who were given whiffs of oxytocin while viewing pictures of women’s faces. Under the influence of oxytocin, two areas of the brain responsible for feelings of reward and pleasure lit up when men saw the face of their wife. Seeing the faces of other women had the opposite effect.
Oxytocin depletion may explain why our husbands get grouchy if they go a few days without sexual release.
5. He wants to satisfy your sexual needs.
God created sex for us as much as for our husbands. He designed us to view sexual intimacy as refreshment, yet too often women think of it as an obligation. He designed sex to be satisfying only if it includes intimacy.
In the book Have a New Husband by Friday, Kevin Leman tells us our husbands want us to know:
- He wants to be a good husband.
- He wants to please you. But he doesn’t know how to do that. He needs your help.
Girls, our husbands aren’t Mind-Readers.
We must communicate what we want and need during love-making. Our husband wants to bring us sexual fulfillment, but he needs us to tell him. In a loving, positive, tender tone.
And, making sexual intimacy a priority for both of you will positively affect the health of your marriage.
Next time, I’ll share with husbands what we wives want them to know about our intimacy needs.
Make a date with your husband and discuss these 5 reasons.
Are there any other things he wants you to know?
Along with the links in this post, here are a few other book resources you may find helpful.
Awaken-Love by Ruth Buezis
For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn
Have a New Sex Life by Friday by Kevin Leman
The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women by Dr. Gary & Barbara Rosberg