Stress can have powerful effects on libido, so addressing those stressors can help improve sex. Research has shown that most women are more likely to become sexually aroused if they feel relaxed and emotionally cared for. Can Chore Play be a solution?
What is Chore Play?
According to Urban Dictionary, chore play is when a woman is turned on by the sight of her man doing regular household chores that she would normally be doing.
While I agree with this definition, I want to add that I really appreciate my husband’s help with everyday chores. Dennis is a smart man. He’s learned that if I have help managing my energy, I will have it where it counts. *wink*
By the end of a work day, both spouses are ready to relax and unwind. But somebody has to do the dinner dishes and help get the kids to bed. Chore Play can be the solution!
Researcher Adam Galovan found in a recent study that the more wives perceived that husbands were engaged in routine family work tasks, the better the relationships were for both partners.
Wives in our study viewed father involvement and participation in household chores as related. Doing household chores and being engaged with the children seem to be important ways for husbands to connect with their wives, and that connection is related to better couple relationships.
Jimmy Evans tells us the two enemies of sexual intimacy is stress and busyness.
For any husband wanting good sex with his wife, he must assume the responsibility to help with the kids and the home.
Is Chore Play a solution for your marriage? Read on for the following approaches.
Chore Play Tips
Divide and conquer.
For most of our marriage, responsibility for the majority of household chores were mine. When we transitioned into working together from our home, it was obvious I needed his help.
I made a list of necessary household chores, then discussed with Dennis which ones he’d prefer to do. That was the wrong way to ask.
“None of them,” he replied.
This girl ain’t a dummy, so I rephrased the request: Which chores would you rather do? Would you rather hand wash the dishes or empty the dishwasher? (He chose the latter.)
Consider duties such as lawn, home and car maintenance count as major chores. Equal out chores with that in mind.
Household roles and responsibilities are not gender specific as in the 1950s Leave it to Beaver days. It is a mutuality of supportive camaraderie in the partnership of marriage.
2. Take 15 minutes.
Take 15 minutes (or less) to work on a chore. This is one of my favorite ways to handle chores I dread the most. Learn how focusing on a chore for just 15 minutes is manageable.
3. Avoid Nit-Picking
Relax your standards. Your spouse may do it differently than you, but if you avoid the commentary, he is more likely to do the chore again.
4. Stop the manipulation.
In researching the web about chore play, I found a few articles where wives told husbands, “If you don’t chore play, don’t expect foreplay.” That attitude is not the gentle, quiet spirit that I Peter 3:4 encourages us to model. Manipulation is an issue of the heart that needs to be checked.
If a husband feels manipulated into participating in chore play, the wife is probably moving in control. Control, manipulation and the resulting rebellion will not contribute to a healthy, satisfying marriage.
Nagging your spouse or silently stewing will only foster resentment — and will do nothing to spark your sex life.
5. Do it together
Hand-washing dishes after dinner is one chore Dennis prefers not to do. After too many evenings of cleaning the kitchen alone, I asked for help to dry and put away the dishes.
Working together like this solves many issues. Boredom or loneliness are greatly relieved when we do it together. It is also an ideal time to talk.
Share chores that you can do together like folding laundry, dishes or cooking a meal. Since it is a bonding activity, it will help you feel more like a “couple.”
As Dr. Kevin Leman says “Sex begins in the kitchen!”
6. Make it sexy
When Mr. Clean aired this commercial in the 2017 Super Bowl, I’m sure quite a few wives said Yes! and agreed that
You gotta love a man who cleans.
The commercial gives some sexy ideas of hamming it up as you clean. With this in mind, chores can become “chore-play.” Have fun with the chores and flirt with your spouse, or incorporate some sexy teasing or gestures while doing them.
7. Hire a professional
If all else fails, if your budget allows, hire a cleaning service.
Give up something to pay for it if you need to. Having a less stressed spouse thinking she has to make time for one more thing on her list and keeping peace in your marriage is worth the sacrifice.
Whatever Chore Play approach you choose, a household that’s maintained by both spouses can have positive effects on your marriage and your sex life.
Guys, to turn a woman on, the key is to turn off stress, and that means helping her not worry about doing household chores alone. Learn to Chore Play!
Make a date with your spouse to discuss household chores. Work together to divide and conquer the weekly tasks.
Make it a game to see how much you can get done in 15 minutes.