As soon as my seat mate on a recent flight learned Dennis and I were marriage coaches, he turned to me and blurted out “The thing is, my wife just doesn’t let me be a man!” This young husband feels emasculated by his wife.
Wives, let’s have a tough talk about how we emasculate our husbands.
“Does she want to be in control of Finances? Major decisions? Parenting? What you can and cannot do? How you spend your time and money? “
He said, “Yeah, she does!”
“Have you expressed your wishes of talking about these situations together? That you’d like to feel you are important and needed in the marriage?” I asked.
He admitted he had tried but felt totally impotent as a result. Without testicles, to put it nicely.
Hitting Below the Belt
Some men say the very act of marriage itself is emasculating. At some point in every marriage, a wife will do or say something that makes her husband feel castrated. It is usually unintentional, but let’s look at some of the ways we can be guilty of hitting our husbands below the belt.
6 Ways Wives Emasculate Husbands
Ridicule in Public
Nothing is more deflating to a husband than being insulted in front of others. When husbands fail at something like home repairs, parenting, finances, or romance, exposing his failure in front of others is emasculative.
BTW, when you meet with your gal friends, don’t indulge in husband-bashing!
Downplay His Efforts
Ruth of Awaken-Love gives us specific ways we shoot ourselves in the foot:
We ask our husband to buy flowers for us. Then when they do, we complain about how much they spent, or what kind of flowers. Or even worse, we dismiss their effort because they did what we asked instead of surprising us.
But the worst part is that when they try, we knock them down. We negate what they do because they didn’t think of it themselves. Or we point out how they did not quite meet our expectations.
Repeatedly Refuse Sex
Enjoying sexual intimacy with his wife majorly affirms a husband’s manhood. You want intimacy. He wants sex. In the end, you both want the same thing–to feel loved.
From a man’s point of view, the ultimate rejection happens when his wife criticizes his actions or body parts during the act of intimacy. Believe it or not, your husband’s #1 goal in the bedroom is to please his bride. Appreciate his efforts and lovingly teach him to bring you pleasure. (Begin here for help.)
Even if he doesn’t get up on time, has horrible taste in clothes, forgets appointments, loses the car keys, or never picks things up, acting as a mom to him is emasculatory.
He wants a wife, not a mom.
This therapist indicates micromanaging is a form of anxiety that manifests as controlling behavior.
The micromanager feels compelled to have their hands into everything and doesn’t really trust that their spouse will pull their weight or accomplish tasks. Therefore, the micromanager feels the need to constantly remind them (or look over their shoulder) to make sure the task gets done. They scrutinize their spouse’s every move and, after a while, the spouse starts to feel incompetent, anxious, frustrated, and angry.
Undermining your husband, especially as a father, teaches your children that he is not competent and shouldn’t be respected. It’s bad enough to feel castrated in public and in the bedroom, but in front of his children?
Also, when the children’s needs are a higher priority than your husband’s, that plays into the whole neutering mindset to him.
We are on the same team and any time we think that we’re doing the ‘right thing’ by devaluing our husband’s words or opinion, we are slowly giving no other option but for him to disengage and completely leave the parenting duties to us. ~ Lindsey Maestas
Why can’t you be more like him? They have the most romantic and exciting adventures. Comparing your husband and/or your marriage to others is a sure testicle grabber, girls.
No matter how much he wants to fix your discontentment, he cannot fix you. And while he so desperately wants to be your hero, Honey, he’s not GOD.
What strikes me as I review this list is how an attitude of superiority and pride that I know best reinforces emasculation.
Marriage is a union of two imperfect people desperately in need of G R A C E. Wives, let’s extend grace. Let’s avoid being the Emasculator.
Each of you must wrap around yourself the apron of a humble servant. Because:
God resists you when you are proud, but multiplies grace and favor when you are humble. ~ 1 Peter 5:5
Girls, it’s your turn. Tell me ways your husband hits you above the belt, making you feel less than a woman.