Here we go again. Just when I thought I had my tongue under control and my heart in a good place, I blew it.
Y’all know about my journey to tame my tongue.
I keep a list of scriptures* that address the heart in my Bible. (Yes, my devotional Bible is bulging with index cards, post-its, declarations, prayers.) As I looked through them, it was obvious my heart was in trouble.
My dear husband has gone through a very trying and difficult time this month. As executor of his recently deceased father’s estate, this responsibility hasn’t allowed him to properly grieve.
I wish I could tell you I have been the perfect supportive wife.
By week 2 post-funeral, I was feeling neglected and got caught in the pettiness of self-pity.
Then my untamed tongue took over and harsh, unkind words gushed out. To my grieving husband.
Got duct tape?
These past few weeks, my heart is being squeezed almost to the point of cutting off circulation. And what comes out of my mouth goes right back to that mouth-heart connection I wrote about here.
Then in a conversation, I shared of an offense from many years ago. What startled me was how easily that slipped out of my mouth.
It was a clear signal to me that while my mind said I had forgiven that person, my heart revealed I hadn’t.
Pay Attention to Your Heart
Your mind may forget a wrong, but your heart still remembers.
I’m learning to pay attention to my heart. Your heart’s condition predicts what you say and how you act.
When your heart is squeezed, what does your mouth say?
Poor circulation between the heart and the mouth indicates there’s a blockage somewhere.
In the past, I would beat myself up mentally for being such a brat. I would rehearse my sin over and over, brooding with a sackcloth and ashes mentality.
Since I am not on my home turf , I knew I had to get my attitude in a better place. Midway through the “woe is me” thought, my eyes fell on a prayer I’d brought with me in case I’d need a better perspective during our time around from home.
*It had to be God.*
O God, help me be more like Jesus. … Lead me away from my petty self to Your plentiful self. ~ Selwyn Hughes
I’m done living with regret and what-if’s. When I mess up, I’m choosing to surrender to the One who knows my flaws and weaknesses. I believe
..if we own up to our sins, God shows that He is faithful and just by forgiving us of our sins and purifying us from the pollution of all the bad things we have done. ~ 1 John 1:9
To really live in the present, I must let go of the past (even if it is just 60 seconds ago). When my heart gets squeezed and the evil words or attitude gushes out, I listen carefully to the Holy Spirit’s conviction. I’ve learned not to hold on to grudges or offenses, but choose to forgive and ask for forgiveness immediately.
Lord, lead me away from my petty self. Consume me with every bit of Your plentiful self.
You are loved,
*This is a partial list of scriptures I’ve written down about the heart
1 Chronicles 28:9, 29:17
2 Chronicles 12:14
2 Chronicles 16:9