How to Make Your Wife Feel Cherished

In his book, Cherish, Gary Thomas breaks down the meaning of the wedding vows many married couples have repeated to one another.  To love and to cherish ’till death do us part are what every couple expects to do when they say I do.  If husbands want to feel treasured, it is fair to say that wives want to feel cherished.

The way we treat something acknowledges whether we cherish it or hold it with indifference or contempt. To truly cherish something is to go out of our way to show it off, protect it, and honor it. We want others to see and recognize and affirm the value that we see. ~ Gary Thomas

Husbands, does your wife feel cherished?

A scripture many husbands prefer to avoid about the role God wants them to step into is Ephesians 5:25: Husbands, love your wives [seek the highest good for her and surround her with a caring, unselfish love], just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…

 Dennis often tells husbands the seriousness of God’s expectation. A husband can understand this holy exhortation only when he compares it to the love Christ has for His bride, the church.

Cherish your wife enough to die for her.
Whoa!  That’s in the Bible?

A recent request I made  left me feeling not valued by my husband.  I shared how I felt–discounted, not treasured and certainly not cherished– by his dismissal of what I’d asked for.

My sweet husband confessed he didn’t think about how it affected me and hadn’t given it much thought. Yet, he sincerely admitted his wrong and asked for my forgiveness. This opened up communication  to talk of ways I feel cherished by him.

As a Wife, I Feel Cherished When You

  1. Appreciate me.

Typically, women are multi-taskers and gifted at diversifying.  Steven Nelms  admits he cannot afford his wife for all she does.

I can’t afford for my wife to stay at home. And I’ve tragically failed to show my wife the appreciation that she deserves…As a Stay-At-Home Mom her appraised salary is nearly double my actual income. ..You are more precious than rubies. And I can’t afford you.

We think our families take for granted what we offer when no one notices us or what we do to keep the household running smoothly.

The everyday things are often taken for granted. Please take a moment to notice what we do every day and say ‘thank you.’”

  1. Accept me.

Husband, you feel treasured by  your wife when she loves you in spite of your faults and imperfections.  Wives want the same understanding.

You need us to support and encourage your efforts. We, too, need you to be our biggest cheerleader.

Accept that we have hormones and a uterus that dictate many of our moods and choices.

If you notice her falling apart even just a little, encourage her and remind her that you’re always there to fall back on, When you see your wife in moments of weakness, cut her some slack and let her know that you get it. Validate how hard she works and let her know that it’s OK to lose it from time to time.  ~ Heather Gray 

  1. Affirm me.

A woman’s first and most basic need is security. When we are affirmed—acknowledged, appreciated and accepted—we feel secure that we are truly cherished by our husband.

You can meet your wife’s wants yet still miss her needs…Your wife doesn’t need you to work twelve hours a day. More likely, it’s you who “needs” to work that much. What she needs is for you “to live with her in an understanding way … since she is a woman ~ Lewis and Hendricks

There’s something your wife secretly wants from you:

Women want their husbands to help out with the kids, without having to be asked. 

Wives want their spouses to be just as willing to help with their kids’ day-to-day needs as they are, .

A speaker at a couples therapy conference said, “what women really want is for their husbands to help the kids with their homework in a kind and patient way.”  She said there’s another word for that — “it’s called ‘foreplay!'”

The truth is, nothing melts a woman’s heart more than seeing her husband take a sincere interest in second grade math problems. ~ McKenna Park

Essentially, wives need to feel cherished in the same way you need to be treasured by us.

Man up. Ask how you can make her feel cherished.



Photo by Kyle Bearden on Unsplash


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