As a child, do you remember counting down the days to Christmas using an Advent Calendar? Each day you anticipated what treat or activity you’d find. As a way to connect with your spouse during this busy season, why not use this idea to keep intimacy a priority?
Marriage Advent Calendar
Realistically, time is limited this time of year for most of you. As you look at your planned activities, prioritize time for your spouse.
Just 15 minutes a day of uninterrupted, undistracted time with your spouse will go a long way in staying connected.
Usually I am the one to create this type of gift, but I wanted it to be a collaborative one this year. Dennis is responsible for thinking of and writing out activities on the odd days; I am responsible for even days.
Resources to get you started
Many creative ideas and resources are available. Uncovering Intimacy offers an intimacy advent calendar. It is a mix of romantic (non-sexual) to sexual ideas.
I know many couples struggle to maintain intimacy during the holidays. Not just physical intimacy (but that too), but it’s also a high-point for arguments and blow-outs. So, I wanted to make something that encouraged us to draw together during this season. ~ Jay (Uncovering Intimacy)
To fill the even-numbered days I’m responsible for, I might use some ideas I found on Todaywedate.com:
- decorate the tree
- share a favorite childhood Christmas memory
- hot chocolate date
- go shopping for Christmas pajamas
- build a cozy blanket fort
- put together a care package for a deployed soldier
- watch a Christmas movie together (Don’t worry, honey. It’s not a Hallmark Channel one)
Darby’s example of a Marriage Advent Calendar inspires me. Each day she wrote out a scripture, then owned it. For example, for Day 12 she wrote
A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones. ~Proverbs 12:4
Share with me specific ways I can be a jewel in your crown.
I like her suggestions. Communication starters such as this can allow opportunity for honesty and true in-to-me-see. (I’ll be stealing this one.)
Thirty communication starters are given here, such as
- If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?
- Name something you’ve never done but would like to try. Why does it appeal to you? What’s kept you from trying it?
- Think back to your childhood or teenage years. What do you miss doing the most?
- Can you think of something you craved when you were young and were denied?
- What was the best part of your childhood?
- The one argument your parents had, that you try to avoid, would be over…
Depending on your time and creativity, the calendar can be as simple as envelopes or index cards numbered 1-25 placed into a small box , or attached to a ribbon using clothespins. (Pinterest brims with ideas.)
Quality Time is a Gift
Christmas is not about the hustle and bustle and flurry of activity. It’s not about expensive gifts or how elaborate the decorations.
The Wonder of Christmas involves experiencing the Reason for the celebration.
The older I get, the more I understand the best gift I can give to those I love is the gift of my quality time. Offering experiences—coffee dates, quiet walks, reading a book together—is a gift that is remembered long after the moment.
Give the gift of experiences with your spouse by offering to give your uninterrupted, undistracted quality time. Begin by using your own Marriage Advent Calendar. Keep intimacy a priority.
What ways can you show your spouse he is a priority this month?
Ask your spouse, “what does quality time look like to you?”
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash