Sex in a Long Marriage is Like Fine Wine

One of the best benefits of a long-term marriage, I think, is the sex. Like fine wine, shared maturity and sexual experiences produces a love that grows richer, fuller and more satisfying with age.

Relish love in our old age! Aged love is like aged wine; it becomes more satisfying, more refreshing, more valuable, more appreciated and more intoxicating!~  Leo Buscaglia

Reap what you Sow between the Sheets

If the three factors of sowing and reaping – you reap what you sow, more than you sow and later than you sow—apply to marriage, how much more than in the bedroom?

Years ago I remember reading an article by Dr. James Dobson about the beauty of sex  between a long-term married couple. The love that is built on commitment and shared experiences cannot be fully appreciated until the “love of a lifetime” accumulates, he said.

Now I fully grasp what he meant.

As life-long friends, my husband and I are comfortable with each other sexually. There are no inhibitions. Our marriage bed is honorable and undefiled . The curves, flab, and the affects of gravity on our aging bodies feel familiar to our touch.

As you age, your marriage ages with you, hopefully becoming wiser, more stable, and more honest. In terms of your sex life, this wisdom and honesty lends itself to far better communication in the bedroom about what you like, what you don’t like, what you’d like to try, and so on. ~ Dr. Dana

Make Sex a Priority

marriage counselor predicted  there would come a day when I would be the one pursuing Dennis. As the higher-sexed one in our marriage,  he eagerly awaited that day. *smile*

Married life with children, jobs, and countless activities and responsibilities is E-X-H-A-U-S-T-I-N-G! In those early years, I didn’t see that happening. I had just enough energy to  drag myself to bed, much less go there.

I understood the need sex has in marriage. What I didn’t understand then is that the principle of sowing and reaping would yield a fruitful harvest in sexual intimacy later in our marriage.

Currently Dennis and I are reading the book Cherish by Gary Thomas. When I asked Dennis how he felt cherished by me, his answer surprised me: You’ve always made sex a priority in our marriage.

Confession: There were times I just showed up.

This young wife said it best:

Caring for two needy toddlers drained the life out of me. I often felt like a lazy Susan spinning round and round with my children constantly pulling boxes and cans off my shelf…Late evenings I’d collapse into bed, dizzy, empty, and exhausted, and then Peter would snuggle up next to me. One night he pulled me close, and I muttered, “Oh, no! All I have left is a can of dented peas.” He asked, “what did you say?” Suddenly I remembered a decision I had made years ago to always be available for my husband. Tired as I was, I WOULD be there for him. So I changed my comment to “Okay. But do you mind if I don’t move, please?”

A frequent prayer of mine became  “Lord, I’m asking You to make me willing.” Many times I was NOT in the mood, but knew that coming together sexually is spiritual warfare.  Cherishing my husband sexually united us as a one-flesh team.

Healed from  Baggage

The most significant change in our sexual intimacy came after I received healing from the shame and baggage I brought into our marriage from sexual abuse. Healing began when I understood forgiveness .

About the time we became Empty Nesters , we both received much-needed healing  through a ministry called Restoring the Foundations.  God healed  Dennis of severe depression; He healed me from shame and rejection.

Today, I am  a woman freed from shame.  And at last–my man is reaping  the harvest of what the marriage counselor promised. 

Are you making sex a priority in your marriage?

You are loved,

Debbie

 

Image credit: photo-nic-co-uk-nic@unsplash.com

 

 

 

 

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