Who IS the Boss of You?

Who IS the boss of you? — Your spirit or your flesh?


Jesus told his closest disciples “Stay awake, and pray that you will not be put to the test — the spirit indeed is eager, but human nature is weak.

Understanding how my weak flesh wants to be the boss of  my eager spirit is something I’m determined to learn.  I want my spirit to boss me.

I have a list of scriptures I pray over myself most days. Most pertain to the words of my mouth. For the past year, I’ve been praying Galatians 5: 16-26 .

Spirit-Flesh War

My real self (my spirit) sees me as the loving wife my husband needs.

I want to be calm and peaceful when we have intense discussions in areas of conflict.

I want to be so full of God’s spirit, His love in me shines brighter than what my actions, words and thoughts (my flesh) show.

But too often my flesh is the boss of me.

Dennis and I were introduced to the teaching of Arthur Burk in a Love After Marriage (LAM) workshop earlier this year.

In his book Blessing Your Spirit, Burk says that problems arise when we have placed our souls in the most prominent place of our spirits.

 We could look at a child with cerebral palsy and know that although the body is not entirely functional, the spirit is not diminished. The spirit is capable of being nurtured and becoming great, but it is trapped by the body, unable to express itself.

(One of the most moving and inspirational examples of this is found here. )

Burk says God gave him a picture of a person whose spirit was thin, tiny, undernourished, but the soul was the size of a sumo wrestler.

The spirit had no chance to implement the will of God in this person’s life because the soul had been so overfed for so long. …Similarly, someone who is controlled by his soul will not have the proper identity, nor will he have solid boundaries that will protect him. God designed our spirit to be dominant and the soul to be subordinate to the spirit..

As I’ve been meditating on the fifth chapter of Galatians, especially the fruit of the Spirit section, I linger over “self-control.” A church marquee in our neighborhood recently displayed “Word control is part of self-control.”

My spirit understands and knows that. But my bossy flesh says “nah nana nah nah.”

The word “self-control” in this passage accurately portrays a spirit ruling  (being the boss) over a soul.

Ruled by the Spirit

The Lord wants us to live out of our spirits, because this is the part of us that connects with God and hears Him. A person who is led by the Spirit of God is one whose spirit is ruling over his or her soul and body. ~Barry and Lori Byrne

Since learning this teaching, we regularly bless ourselves, each other, and others. Burk’s book offers 40 days of “Blessing Your Spirit from the Father’s Heart” which we use as a daily devotional.

Spirit Blessing Model

(We learned this model in the LAM workshop)

Looking face to face into each other’s eyes, follow these two steps:

  1. _(Spouse’s name), I bless your spirit to rise up and to lead your soul and body.
  2. Begin speaking positive truth about what you see in your spouse and give blessings of encouragement.

For example:

I see __(strength)_ in you.

I bless your spirit to know ___(God’s love)____.

I bless your spirit to receive ____(peace)______.

Now reciprocate.

When my spirit is willing, but my flesh is the sumo wrestler, I’m learning to bless my spirit to rule as  boss. For example,

Those times when I’m tired.

……. discouraged.

……when I want to eat myself into a chocolate coma.

Bonus Tip

Try blessing your spirits to lead your body and soul during sexual intimacy. It works!

I bless your spirit to be the boss of you,




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