Your Marriage: Sex-Full or Sex-Less?

Couple in love in bedBefore you’re married, Satan does everything he can to get you into bed with each other.

But once you’re married, he does everything he can to keep you out of bed!

This is a statement we’ve read somewhere years ago.  Every couple we counsel will  hear it.

Sex-Less Marriages

Sadly,the amount of sex-less marriages we hear of  give reasons such as these:

  • Too busy
  • Too tired
  • Too stressed
  • Takes too much time
  • Have too many past wounds

Many of you  are dual income earners.  Busy raising children. Blending families. Sports activities.  Extended family commitments.

Other priorities consume your energy, time, attention.

In his book, Kosher Sex, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach claims that Jews have always viewed sex in marriage as a gift from God and that Jewish thought sees sex as more than a side issue in marriage.

Rabbi Boteach believes it is the central issue!

It is this kind of love that makes a marriage a marriage.  Why?


Sex is the only form of love that is exclusive to marriage.

All other kinds of love can be shared with others outside the marriage bond.

Mark Gungor, in his book Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, explains why sex is important in marriage.

Sexual love is exclusive to marriage—at least that’s the way God intended it.  This kind of union between a man and a woman was designed by God to be shared by one man and one woman, together, alone, for life.  Stripping marriage of carnal love is to domesticate it, to make the relationship common.

In our marriage, Hubby and I  embrace this idea:

Sexual intimacy in marriage  is spiritual warfare.

When we are busy.




That’s right.  Tense.

There are those times in every marriage, the tension is so strong, you sense it could be cut with a knife.

As we grow in this journey called marriage, we are learning this truth:

My spouse is not my enemy.

And the best way to deal with the real enemy is to engage in active spiritual warfare.

Defeating 5 Enemies of Marital Intimacy

  1. Too busy.

If you have to, sit down together with your calendars or mobile devices and make sexual intimacy appointments.

Don’t worry that it is too planned.  It proves to the enemy that you are prioritizing your intimate life.

If you still think this is too planned check out the 5 Benefits of Scheduling Sex.

Who knows?  Spontaneity may make a comeback!

2.  Too tired.

Here’s one of our  tips:  pray together.

Invite the Lord’s presence into your bedroom.

Ask Him to energize your body and your senses.

Are you thinking Ewww!?

God created sex in the first place, remember?

It is His wedding gift to every man and woman. After creating His handiwork made in His image, God said “It is VERY good.”

  1. Too stressed.

One study (among many) expound  the benefits of sex in marriage. According to Olson and Olson (2000),

Married people tend to be healthier, live longer, have more wealth and economic assets, and have more satisfying sexual relationships than single or cohabiting individuals.

Did you know one of the meanings of the word intercourse is communion?  An exchange of thoughts and feelings.

Go ahead.  Commune with each other.

In the Lord’s presence.

In your marriage bed.

  1. Too Much Time

This is definitely a lie.  Try it sometime.

Let’s just say, time spent communing is far more beneficial compared to watching “The Late Show.”

5.  Too many past wounds.

Whether from childhood sexual abuse or from promiscuous lifestyles, the wounded learn (falsely) that sex means little to nothing.

Just the idea of sex, (don’t even use the term intimacy) gives way to dread and guilt.

You are not alone.

Many have traveled this same road and have found freedom and healing from their sexual wounds.

There is help.

Barbara Wilson provides guidance on how to break free from  sexual wounding  in her book, The Invisible Bond: How to Break Free From Your Sexual Past.

Seek help.

Ask for referral sources or counseling from your pastor, small group leaders, or your local crisis pregnancy center.

These are only five enemies  couples face in their fight for  sexual intimacy.

What enemies do you fight?  Physical issues? Unfaithfulness? Betrayal?

Choose your battles. Sexual intimacy in your marriage is worth the fight!

You are loved,


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